I now know what they mean when they say “Time Flies” Our little fella is already 3 months old. He has gained his weight and is changing everyday. I find myself being surprised when he cries at night. “Oh yeah” we have a baby! Watching him grow is unbelievable, considering where we were just 3 months ago. My wife has been amazing. Started back working at her studio. I’m daddy day care now, which is amazing. I am trying to figure out his game. We have been using this time to begin laying out a plan to increase our finances while working less so we can have the time for him. I cannot believe that 2018 is almost over. I’d be amiss if I stated for the record that I was highly disappointed in myself. I had all these goals for this year. I even wrote them out. Planned them in my head. All this stuff I was supposed to get up an running before my 50th birthday (which is 5 days away) I have done none of it. We are worse off than we were this time last year. I don’t know how to turn that switch. You’d think with a baby in the house, I’d be motivated to some degree, right? I’ve sat on this business model. I’ve made excuse after excuse. I’ve gotten comfortable with being mediocre.
The holidays flew bye. Its 2019. I’m officially 50. I am officially disappointed in myself. I let old habits return. I let fear back in. Friendships have crumbled around me. Business partners have come and gone. New ones are hard to come by. Relationships in my spiritual realm have been turned upside down. People I looked up too have hurt me and other people. I guess it’s an age thing. I hardly have any people in my age group in my circle, but its hard understanding the thought process of the younger groups. They make everything about them even if its not. Self importance on views, opinions are all that matter it seems. It strains relationships because it seems to be end sum game.
That was my thought process. Pretty down I know. He will be 5 months old on February 2nd. So you can see that I wrote all that stuff just a little over 2 months ago. It is amazing what your mind can convince you of what you are and are not capable of. I let that draft sit there for awhile. I thought about deleting it and starting a new post, but I decided to leave it. I wanted to let people know that we all have those days of self doubt. You can’t move forward without taking that first step.
Made that first step. I have to get myself back and then proceed forward with the plans I had not so long ago.